My Writing

Abused

I have given this a lot of thought

And soon I will tell the truth

The girl you see before you

Isn't the girl you thought you knew

She is shattered like the mirror glass

And lying open on the floor

The girl you once loved

Has ceased and is no more

She is replaced by another spirit

That was created after years of hurt and pain

She was broken and came undone

Has nothing in this life to gain

But you allowed him to do this

And he raped all of me

But you were so enclosed in your life

Or were you too stupid to see

Or you didn't care what happened

You sat and let my die over and over again

And it killed me, you know

You left me too die alone and without a friend

An Angel

For You Who Broke My Heart

How could an angel break my heart?
When he left, my heart was torn apart
I thought he really loved me
But he was so cold and empty

How could an angel's words stroke my pain away?
But love couldn't make him stay
He saw me through my worst storm
And was my shoulder to cry on

How could an angel's love for me send my heart a flight?
And melt my darkness with his light
When that angel left it was for the best
Now that he's back again
Do I let him back in?

Another Splinter

It Was the title of a picture

Another piece of wood stabbed in my heart
Another sharp pain
Tarring me apart
Another piece wedge to deep
Another nightmare when I go to sleep
Another obstacle to keep me together
Another piece of wood, just another splinter

Christian

I loved you because you loved me

But your love was so hard to see

Then I realized you didn’t love me

And I was let down

I wanted to always be with you

The one there to see you thru

But I was the girl you never knew

Now you’re no longer around

You call me all these names

And with my heart played these games

And you said I was the one to blame

For you crushing my heart into the ground

©January 28, 2005

Cutting

There once was a girl who would cry,
And every night she'd go home
And wish she would die
One day came home form school
And took out her tool
To find out cutting is the most ultimate high

Cry

Tell me what can I do
How do I make thru
It's unbearable
Why does it hurt so

Tell me what can I say
So I can make it thru the day
What soothes my acheing soul
Amd what makes the heartache go

When I don't understand why
I go into my room and cry
Let my feelings take over
To make my life easier

When wounded by lies
Go into the darkness to cry
Abandoned without a friend
Me, myself and I
So I cry, just cry

Daddy’s Little Girl pt1

I was daddy’s little girl

No one could fight off evil

Like my daddy could

And he was my hero in this world

But he is only human

And wants to keep his baby to himself

Like any man would

His love sheltered and smothered me

No boy was good enough for his baby

I am no longer daddy’s little girl

For I have grown up and see the world

But I love my daddy just the same

It’s because of my daddy

I got my name

Damaged Still Within

Silent screams in my head,
For they still want me dead.
But I won't give into sin,
I'm damaged still, within

Holding on to what is dear,
Allowing no one to come near.
Dying to try and to mend,
This pain too, say end.

Wanting, waiting to be free,
Innocence fleeing fast from me.
They leave scar that won't heal,
Love I no longer can feel.

Withering from lack of light,
No end to suffering in sight.
But I won't give into sin,
I'm still damaged still, within

Don't Hurt Me No More

Tears flood my eyes
Yet I can't release them In front of you
My heart aches for your touch
But my realizes that you are so cruel
You played me like a doll
To fall for anything you said
And I bought everything causing my soul to drop dead
If you love me then love me
Hate me if you hate me
But don't play with my emotion
And expect no reaction
Don't say the words I want to hear
And go off with some else
If that what you are planning to do hit the door
But just don't hurt me no more

Drowning

Drowning in my sorrow again
Still hoping in things I can not see
No sun to dry up all this flooding rain
But somehow you saw me
You came to save me

Once I was drowning in my lonesome sea
But you came to assist me
I was lost and aching deep within
You made me whole again
Instead of letting me drown
Instead of leavin' me drowning

Crying all those tears
Letting them wall up couldn't let anyone in
Crying for all those years
But you brought them to an end
To you I turned when I didn't want to
What would I do without you?

Fire

I touched the fire
Its icy cold
It freezes me
I want to feel the burning
I walk thru the blaze
I'm still not aflame
I see thru the smoke
It calls my name
I still can't be burned

I want to feel the burning on my flesh
I wan the scars of the fire, the burning sensation
I touch the fire
I'm jealous I can't be burned

I Wonder Why

To Mrs.Trinice Jones

I sit here and I wonder
I sit here and I wonder why
Why you chose to leave me
Why you chose to die
I sit here and I wonder
I sit here and I wonder why
Why you chose to leave me
Without saying goodbye
I sit here and I wonder
I sit here and I wonder why
I'm still here
When I want to be with you
To DIE

Ice

Frozen in time
Cold in a winter of lies
Dark icy spring
Trapped in a snowy past
Tears dripping from my eyes
Hanging around like lost dreams
Crystal statues still, quiet
Frost clinging like harsh words
Smooth glass unbroken
Winter's dark cold grasp
Chocking the life out of me

Imagination

Invisible bunnies fly on the walls
While purple pandas dance in the halls
Where there is no time or space
Pink clouds sail on green seas
And angels fly in and out of me
The heavens above cry out rain
Where lovely flowers are born again
And chaos of colors swam
Where honey flows gently golden and warm
The daylight seeps in to the silent dark
The fabric of time torn apart
Where the sun and moon are complete
A place where there is no cold or heat
The road is long
And equipped with guides
In each masquerade on need for disguise
In a world were nothing is what it seems
The world only exists in my dreams

Imitation is Suicide

Corsets around me
Tightening on the last harp string
Allowing no air
For me and the world to share
So deadly and painful
But sexy and beautiful
I will endure
To have it once more
To give it all
To allow myself to fall
To change all of me
For all the world to see
I will make it through
To be more like you
Imitation is suicide
To swallow all my pride
I will hang
In all popular things
Then be more like me
I die in the noose of society

Inside

What is this feeling deep inside?
A weakness I must hide
When darkness has subsided
And I can't run away

Something eating at me
The light I can not see
When all hope is out of reach
I must get away

Emptiness still inside
Heaviness I can't hide
When my heart has died
BUT STILL I STAY

Jacqueline

Who are you the one I see?
Tell me you aren't me
You, just a cute little girl
Lost im this great big world

You're obedient, do as you're told
But your still searchinf fot thet hand to hold
You're still wondreing in the land of the living
Even though you're dead
Trying to find a place to rest your head

At eleven you met your end
I killed you, and Jacquie began
My new name is Jacquie
So Jacqueline you can't be me

Love

Love can be the prettiest thing
Like a sun lit horizon
Love can be the most dreadful thing
Like the deadliest poison
Love can always hurt
And love can always heal
Love can give you rest
And love can always steal

The Mirror

The mirror’s glass shattered by my fists

The glass lying at my feet

Broken into millions of pieces

Every time I look at my reflection

All I see is deceit and secret untold

What have I done to myself?

Have I totally changed?

I can’t see me anymore

I see her! But don’t believe she’d me or she there

How could I change so?

I slide down to the floor

Cutting myself on my own glass

The mirror I shattered

The life I took away

My blood on the floor.

Mirror part 2

I look at you looking back at me
So tell Mirror, what do you see?
I see those tears in your eyes
I see how the mascara runs as you cry
I see a scared little girl face
I see you trying to find your place
So tell me Mirror what do you see?
For all I see is me

Music In The Night

Softly someone sings
A last lullaby
Her tears being washed away
by the sounds of the surf
She walks into the midnight
The water touching her proudly worn gown
Her body sinking lower in the moon lit water
Her body is longer seen
The music plays softly to her death
The music going on in the night

Never

I believe at one time I loved you
But I don't need you anymore
I never saw the real you
Never heard the real you
Never touched the real you
Now I see the evil in all you do
And I don't want you no more
Not like I did before

My friends all told me about your scheme
But I never I pay attention to a sound
Don't' you think all the stuff you put me thru was kinda mean
But now you don't mean a thing
I'm over you, I will wash myself clean
I don't owe you anything
And I'll never worship your walking ground

Novacane

Please don't be my novacane
Because that is no good for me
Don't try to numb my pain
Pain is my sweet misery

I don't want a love additcion
Because I Know you won't stay
I couldn't bear your rejection
Your love is a drug to me

Ocean The Temptress

You incite me with your loving curves
You invite me to join you as you dance in the still midnight
You keep drawing me near
If you hadn't been too deep I would have
You are so lovely, but so deadly
I have nothing to offer
Your song is strong luring me to your edge
Your song is charming music in the night
The light of the moon expresses your beauty
If I could only join you
Why do you call me?

Phobic

I watched her as she slipped away

Away from reality

Day by ever passing day

Falling away from me

I couldn’t see what was chasing her

Or what she was chasing

But I just couldn’t leave her there

With her fears razing

It was like watching her sink

Drowning from her past

Taking over how she thinks

I knew she wouldn’t last

Why she was like this

She’d didn’t understand

And trying to not be sick

But wonderland was not wonderland

And she was still phobic

She couldn’t get help from me

And no longer wanted to be

I watch her enter the sea

Romeo and Juliet

We were never destined to be together
Though we should meet
But we fell into a love so sweet
Life made us enemies, love made us friends
We became lovers to the bitter end
Each day I'm without you makes me long to be in your arms
I've fallen in love with your wit
Your courage and all your charms
As is see you dead beside me makes me cry
For the only way to be with you is to die
So I take your dagger and plunge it into my heart with no regret
Just you my Romeo and I your Juliet

Shattered Heart

If my heart were made of mirror glass
Then all the pieces would have shattered
And the pieces would be too sharp
To be put me back together

I would have noticed you caught yourself
Torn between me and my reflection
Not knowing who you really loved
I would have died from your rejection

So I broke into a million pieces
And rejection I couldn't flee
Shards of me you tried to repair
And you bled from the cut you received from me

Suicide

A trail of bloody footprints follows behind me
As I walk upon the broken glass
The pain is ignored because it too shall pass
In the darkness holding my one candle light
One illumination in the dark night
Out of the window to the roof do I climb
Not one thought of turning back crosses my mind
I reminness on happy times a few
As I bid this cruel world "a due"
I wonder if I'll be missed
As I jump off into the deep dark abyss

Why Must I

Why must I feel this way?
When love doesn't love me anyway
Why must I cry these tears?
When love is the worst of my fears
Why must I lie awake at night?
When I must face him and fight
Why must I cry?
He wouldn't care if I live or die
Why must I stay?
He hates me anyway

Wildflowers

To my best friend Jacquelyn

We were wildflowers, new people, friends, sisters
Candles that would forever burn in the darkness
Flowers would bloom in the garden of shadows
Forever and ever
Goodbye would never cross our lips
For we were one
Lost petals floating on the wind
For we were
Friends, sisters, wildflowers growing next to thorns
In the garden of shadows
We were one

Jacqueline Elizabeth McKenzie